How to Overcome the Trap of Self-Help with Something Better

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In a culture that reveres and almost idolizes self-help and self-improvement, the line “God helps those who help themselves,” sounds appealing and even tantalizing. It seems to promise we can curry God’s favor and blessing by the amount of effort and work we put in. I’ll admit it’s an idea that has subtly woven its way into the fabric of my life so deeply that it’s taken me years to recognize it and begin to extricate it from my life.

While the original author of this phrase probably meant it as a warning against laziness (which the Bible fully supports, see Proverbs 12:24, 10:4-5, 6:6 and 1 Timothy 5:8 for a few examples), it can easily be warped into a work-harder-you-can-earn-it gospel. Which is nowhere to be found in the pages of Scripture.

Why would I want to get rid of this mentality (besides the fact that it’s not found in the Bible), you might be wondering? Because self-help and self-reliance are a soul-crushing duo that promise us our wildest hopes and dreams, but usually all we’re left holding is disappointment and dissatisfaction.

Allow me to explain.

Weakness is a Gift

Gretchen Saffles, in The Well-Watered Woman said, “…absolutely anything in this life that leads you to depend on the strength and sufficiency of Christ is a gift.”

Over the last several years, the Lord has been revealing just how deep this root of self-reliance has buried itself in my heart and mind. And he is letting me know that it’s just not in line with the abundant life he offers. The life that leads to an ever-increasing dependency on Jesus and the work he did—not the work that I’m doing.

Why self-help and self-reliance fails us:

We are not all-powerful.

We are not all-knowing.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise. In our heads we know this, but sometimes we live as though we think we are. But we don’t have to be discouraged by these limitations, because we know someone who has no limits at all. Jesus. And he offers us his help freely and without condition. All we have to do is ask.

But how often do we spend our days pushing his hands away and stubbornly saying, “I’ll do it myself!” Only to find ourselves disappointed when things don’t turn out the way we wanted. Or perhaps they do, but we still feel empty and dissatisfied. Moving on, we chase the next thing only to continue this cycle day in and day out, year after exhausting year. But there is a better way.

Recognize the Signs

How do you know if you suffer from the disease of self-reliance?

I spent years riding the struggle bus, making frequent stops at Do-It-Yourself Town and Roll-Up-Your-Shirtsleeves Station, only to be disappointed and disillusioned when my hard work and striving didn't amount to much. I went round and round trying to make things happen, and it wasn’t until I finally threw up my hands and said, “God, I have no idea what to do, or how to make this happen, I need you to show up and show me,” that I finally began to see a shift.

As a recovering self-reliant Christian, this is a battle I face almost daily. I want to be able to control my outcomes by controlling my input. But it just doesn’t work that way in God’s kingdom.

In her book, None Like Him, author Jen Wilkin gives us a helpful, but searing, mirror in which to hold up our lives and examine whether we’re attempting to live this life in our own strength and sufficiency.

They are:

Prayerlessness

Forgetfulness

Anger in trial

Yikes. I’ve resembled all of these at one point in my life or another.

The Great Trade-Off

Mark Batterson has said, “Work like it depends on you and pray like it depends on God.” Which could be taken as a gospel of self-help except for the last part—“pray like it depends on God.” And that is so often where I fell short. All I did was work, rarely praying. And if I did, it was an afterthought or a last resort.

I haven’t always seen this as a problem or an issue, but…

If you’ve been following me for very long you might know I have a dream of being traditionally published. I self-published a book (and I’m very proud of it. It’s good. You should read it), but I’ve always wanted to experience what it’s like to have a book published by a publishing company.

But that dream came with some unexpected baggage and a lot of expectations.

Publishers wanted to know if anyone was going to read my words? Crazy, right? A business would like a return on their investment? Wild. And apparently, by their standards, not enough people would. So that lead me down a frenzied road of trying to amass readers. Only to forget who, and what, I was doing it for in the first place.

I was so focused on my to-do list and achieving my goals that I forgot to include God in the equation at all. But when I paused long enough to consider what I was doing, and actually invited him to guide me and then did what I felt like he was leading me towards, not only did I feel more peace, but things I’d long dreamt about started to happen right in front of my very eyes.

I’m learning more and more that the real work, the work that matters and truly makes a difference is the work of prayer and learning to rely more and more on Jesus. This is the work that reverberates health in my soul and echos through eternity.

It’s an incredible trade really, I bring him my exhausting, futile strategies and endless to-do lists and trade them for his Holy Spirit inspired ideas that leave me energized and experiencing his blessing.

Maybe this all sounds great, but you’re wondering exactly how you do this? That’s a great question, and Psalm 37:5,7 gives us a great answer.

It says, “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you…Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.”

In what area of your life do you struggle the most to rely on God? Drop me a comment and let me know. And then try to put Psalm 37 into practice today. Ask him to help you rely on him in that area where you struggle.

P.S. Hop on over to my Pinterest board to snag my pin with 5 Scriptures to memorize and encourage yourself with on this journey towards trusting and relying on God more!

more great news

My new book, Praying is (not) Hard: Finally Let Go of the Baggage that Keeps You From Talking with God is here! And it’s full of all of the tips and strategies that helped me lay down guilt and shame and find freedom and joy in my conversations with God!

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