Confessions of an Imperfect Christian–#3

He's a good man!  He puts up with me!

He’s a good man! He puts up with me!

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Confession #3:  I don’t do what I say.

I used to think it was quirky.  I was spontaneous, living on a whim.  I just couldn’t be constrained by such mundane things as commitments, promises, and deadlines.  I needed to be free to be flexible!  In February I told my husband, Jonathan, that I would do the Daniel Fast with him for six weeks….sometime around week two I started to fudge it (yum, fudge!) and decided that I only needed to eat like that during the week.  So I started to eat whatever I wanted on the weekend while Jonathan continued with his steady stream of beans and vegetables.  While he looked at me over a bowl of asparagus, I thought What’s the big deal?  It’s just a diet.  Sure, I had told him I was in for six long weeks of dietary torture but, really, five days out of seven isn’t bad.  Right?  I thought it was a small thing, but the more I thought about it, the more it started to nag me.

In fact, the more I thought about it the more I began to realize it wasn’t an isolated incident.  It was part of a pattern that I had been establishing.  I squirmed thinking about the backhanded promises I had made to my kids to do some thing or another and then never followed through with.  Of course I was keeping the big commitments to my husband and our marriage, but all these little things were starting to pile up.  All the things that I thought were small things were adding up to one very big thing; I was becoming an untrustworthy and unreliable wife, mother, and friend.

It wasn’t just a quirk, it was a character flaw.  Over the years I have been on the receiving end of this same behavior and I did not like it.  Not. At. All.  So I knew from personal experience that this particular flaw could damage a relationship.  I now had a picture of what I could be–what I would be–a few years down the road if I didn’t make the choice to be different.  I wish I could say that I’ve got this one mastered, but it’s dying a slow death, hanging around much longer than I would like, but I’m grateful that God has allowed me to recognize it and is helping me take steps to change!

*Happy Spring Break everybody (that gets to enjoy such a luxury!).  In honor of the occasion (and to save a little sanity on my end), I will not be blogging on Friday.  See you Monday!


3 thoughts on “Confessions of an Imperfect Christian–#3

  1. Tiffani White

    Erica, I really enjoyed your blog today. This has been something in my own life that I have been challenged on and it was a good reminder to keep dying to self! Thanks for the encouragement!

  2. Jan

    Gah. Thanks for holding up a mirror for me today…not a pretty sight. This is one I need to kill as well. Here’s hoping, as you said, that it won’t be a slow death!

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