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Confession #3: I don’t do what I say.
I used to think it was quirky. I was spontaneous, living on a whim. I just couldn’t be constrained by such mundane things as commitments, promises, and deadlines. I needed to be free to be flexible! In February I told my husband, Jonathan, that I would do the Daniel Fast with him for six weeks….sometime around week two I started to fudge it (yum, fudge!) and decided that I only needed to eat like that during the week. So I started to eat whatever I wanted on the weekend while Jonathan continued with his steady stream of beans and vegetables. While he looked at me over a bowl of asparagus, I thought What’s the big deal? It’s just a diet. Sure, I had told him I was in for six long weeks of dietary torture but, really, five days out of seven isn’t bad. Right? I thought it was a small thing, but the more I thought about it, the more it started to nag me.
In fact, the more I thought about it the more I began to realize it wasn’t an isolated incident. It was part of a pattern that I had been establishing. I squirmed thinking about the backhanded promises I had made to my kids to do some thing or another and then never followed through with. Of course I was keeping the big commitments to my husband and our marriage, but all these little things were starting to pile up. All the things that I thought were small things were adding up to one very big thing; I was becoming an untrustworthy and unreliable wife, mother, and friend.
It wasn’t just a quirk, it was a character flaw. Over the years I have been on the receiving end of this same behavior and I did not like it. Not. At. All. So I knew from personal experience that this particular flaw could damage a relationship. I now had a picture of what I could be–what I would be–a few years down the road if I didn’t make the choice to be different. I wish I could say that I’ve got this one mastered, but it’s dying a slow death, hanging around much longer than I would like, but I’m grateful that God has allowed me to recognize it and is helping me take steps to change!
*Happy Spring Break everybody (that gets to enjoy such a luxury!). In honor of the occasion (and to save a little sanity on my end), I will not be blogging on Friday. See you Monday!