I Miss Him!

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After the women’s retreat we hung around Bangkok for a few more days. One of those days being a Sunday, we wound up at an international church that was being pastored by the former president of the Bible college of which my husband was a graduate.

I came to the service grumpy, resentful, and very much against my will.  But when the worship music began something inside of me broke.  I could feel God’s presence around me in a way that I hadn’t since the whole ordeal began.  Charles Templeton, a writer and commentator who came face to face with his doubts about the character of God and ultimately rejected his faith, was interviewed by Lee Strobel for his book The Case for Faith.  When Templeton, a self-proclaimed atheist, was asked about Jesus he broke down weeping and confessed, “I miss him.”

In that moment I could relate to Templeton’s grief.  I missed Jesus too.  Standing in the presence of God that day, I realized that even though I was angry, hurt, and confused–I missed Jesus desperately!  I knew I couldn’t keep going without him.  However, I wasn’t willing to stop asking the questions about suffering and injustice that had been screaming through my brain (nor do I think I was supposed to), but I was finally willing to start listening to the answers that God was trying to speak to me through circumstances, people, books, and the Bible (really, just about everything in my life).  He was orchestrating every experience, meeting, and word to reveal the answers that I was seeking as well as his desire for me to know him better.  God had been making huge strides towards me (looking back I can see that plainly), but that day was the first small step I made towards him, and the first step in a journey that was going to be difficult, but beyond compare…

 

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